Not Nice Spice
Everyone is obsessed with a picture worthy life. People routinely tell Stud and I that our kids are so sweet and cute. We promptly respond with utter confusion—Ha! But then I’ll go around posting pictures like this… and this… And you might start to think we’re this cute little family loving life. In one sense we are, but we’re also a cultivating, learning, exploring family that is constantly trying to keep it together. Actually, just get it together because we're all over the place! A few months ago I passed a small group of friends at church, when one woman commented, “See, I want that.” She was talking about me in my postpartum, baby-wearing glory (Lord, help us all!). She said it ever so longingly. The pessimist in me just about laughed out loud! But I knew what she meant and my heart ached a little. I know what she sees, but do I know what I have? She sees a baby-wearing mama busy about the church, but it’s perfectly dim in the sanctuary and few notice the baby barf all down my shoulder. She sees three little tow-heads smiling at 8am, on a Monday no less, but not a minute later they were biting each other’s backs and peeing on the floor… right next to the toddler potty… again. Or that I had to remind them that their baby brother isn’t a toy and you can’t keep spinning him around (thank God the baby doesn’t get motion sickness). She sees two kids having a fun summer day on the swings, even though every other minute I’m genuinely getting screamed at because someone is going higher than the other. But at least they’ve learned to stop yelling for the whole neighborhood, “Mommy, I want to get high!!!” Clearly, a prompt grammar lesson was in order. She sees a husband helping me carry diaper bags, backpacks, snack packs, papers and papers and papers, even though these very things just about sent him over the edge because, well, we’re perpetually late. This picture here of breakfast in bed??? This was the sweetest gesture Stud could ever do. Let me sleep in and bring gorgeous flowers—what a dream! Reality check came swiftly, when Little Dude hit his potty training out of the park and pooped on the big potty. Sort of. He had half in the toilet, while the other half was hot and ready on my barefoot. I don’t think I ever screamed so loudly in my life.
The woman at church sees these picture perfect moments. But those crazy moments aren’t any less perfect or unwanted memories. For one, it’s hard to take a picture when the kids are acting like a tightrope walking, fire breathing, dragon flying circus act. But truthfully, her comment reminded me that I just want to see the spark in my kids each day. I want to look back on these early years with a heart that swells. I want my kids to know that everyone has rough moments, but they don’t make you. They're snapshots. I want them to measure their lives with pitchers of joy and not how often we find ourselves juggling the chaos. She doesn't see the behind the scenes and most of the time that's all I see. It can be hard to see how beautiful that part really is. But without the behind the scenes glimpses there wouldn't be twinkling points in time.
2 Comments
Emma
6/24/2019 01:53:16 pm
So well put and such a good reminder ❤️
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6/25/2019 11:20:03 am
Thank you! It's easy to forget when we're in the thick of it.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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