Not Nice Spice
When you become a mother for the first time, it’s often portrayed as a beautiful metamorphosis. Personally, beauty was a very fluid term. Ha! Messy mom-bun doesn’t even begin to describe how my view of beauty changed. Perspective changes quickly, and, well, the fluidity of motherhood—yeah, there’s a lot of that (coming out of all kinds of places!). I had hoped for and expected to have the kind of coming into motherhood that Stacie writes about with the birth of her first son Casey. She takes note of so many important details. Looking back I wish I had known a mom like Stacie when having my first. I would have loved to glean from her and understand how motherhood, albeit with the crazy circus parts, changes you and brings you to a place within yourself that was always there but not yet spoken to. This is the story of a boy who made me a mom and changed my life. I was due with my 1st baby August 26, 2008. I was going through a very difficult and dark time in my life during my pregnancy. I had many moments of depression and despair. Since he was due in the 8th month of 2008—I thought it would be very cool if he was born on 8/8/08, but it was pretty early and I was not very hopeful. Imagine my surprise when on August 4th at 11:30 pm my water broke at home while I was getting ready for bed! I had no contractions before this point. The contractions came pretty quickly after this. I called work to let them know I would not be making it in the next morning (I was scheduled for 6 am... oops!), and called my parents (they live down the road, but my dad was 3 hours away acting as director of our summer bible camp). Off to the hospital we went. I was about 6cm when I arrived at the hospital. I was very, very nervous, anxious and could not quite settle or calm myself. The nurse gave me some Nubain to help me relax between contractions. Around 4:30 am they told me I could push. If this had been one of my later pregnancies, I would have asked to start pushing sooner. I felt the pressure, but A. did not really realize that was the pressure letting me know it was time to push and B. I was pretty scared!
I started pushing and I remember the nurse saying that I needed to not push as hard because I might be doing this a while, but I knew this baby was coming. I pushed for about 12 minutes and had a beautiful baby boy at 4:42am. They were not ready for him to come so quickly and I remember the doctor never made it in the room and the mid-wife didn't have time to put her gloves on! He was 8lb 1oz (and 3 weeks early). He was born on August 5th, 2008. Eight is the number of new beginnings and five is the number of grace. This little boy was completely my new beginnings of grace in my life. Everything changed the moment he arrived. I have never felt so much love and peace as I did when I held him in my arms for the first time. We did not find out what we were having, but my dad had known all along. The Lord had given him a dream and he met Casey in his dream. He wrote it down in an envelope and after Casey was born, we opened the envelope and he had written down a boy! We had not fully decided on a name for Casey when he was born, but I had wanted Casey Thomas. Casey means vigilant, brave and watchful. It also means bringing peace. Casey brought so much peace to my life and to my family. Thomas was after my paternal grandfather, who I was never able to meet. He has been a joy and a blessing to my family and I since the moment he arrived.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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