Not Nice Spice
It’s only fitting that I post the birth story of Jaci and her eldest, Jude. I’m over here procrastinating, busying myself with last minute baby #3 preparations, and dealing with endless life hiccups. Even though it’s a new year, our dilemmas still exist just as they had in the year before. The same can be said of motherhood. There are aspects of parenting that are so multifaceted that they leave you with highs and lows, and perplexed all at the same time. Dealing with how and when you got pregnant, how you carried and until when, and when and how you delivered—there’s always unspoken pressures. Personally, I find society directly or indirectly places a lot of these pressures on us; but ultimately we continue to carry these burdens. What is so beautiful about this story is the recognition that regardless of happenstance, there is never a lack of love. I very much needed this reminder as my third pregnancy is coming to a close. It would seem odd to some to think that ages ago, a girl lived down the hall in the dormitory, having known each other for only a short time, has impacted my third pregnancy in such a profound way. I’m grateful beyond words that she wrote her heart here because I’m still struggling to come to print with much of my pregnancy. Thankfully, I know that in time I will come to understand the fullness of this next sweet babe. When I was asked if I would be willing to write about my birth stories I instantly said yes! But then I took the past two weeks to really think about what aspect of bringing a child into this world is the most important and what I would write about. Then I realized, it’s ALL important! And it sure has been fun (and also not) to relive some of these moments. When I got pregnant with my son Jude I was devastated. My husband and I had been dating for a little over a year. We had been best friends for 4 years prior to dating. We weren’t married—we weren’t even engaged. We had talked about getting married millions of times and it was always something we had planned in the future but hadn’t happened yet. My husband is in the Navy and we all know the old adage of women getting pregnant to force the military man into marrying her. I was so afraid that this is what people were going to think of me, “Well, now she’s got her sailor hooked!” I took a pregnancy test very early in the morning before heading off to work. I put it on the back of the toilet while I finished getting ready. I had taken pregnancy tests in the past that were always negative so I was expecting this one to go the same way. I turned to look at the test and saw a giant plus sign… I nearly passed out! My husband, Ben (boyfriend at the time), was already at work. At the time he was working on a new submarine that wasn’t even in the water yet. I would never call the boat because they were always so busy and he wouldn’t have time to talk anyway. Well, this morning I called the boat. I asked for Senior Chief Woellert and was met with a, “Who?” Shaking and my voice quivering I asked again, “I’m sorry ma’am, I’m not sure who you are speaking.” Now I’m choking back tears “I need to speak to your EDMC (engineering department master chief)! It’s very important!” Now he understood, asked me to wait a minute and came back to say, “He’s in a meeting. He’ll call you back.” Unfortunately that message never got to him. So, I spent the entire day at work losing my mind, keeping this huge secret. Ben finally came home around 8 that night; it was a long day. I couldn’t wait another second and told him as soon as he walked in the door. I was crying, so scared, Ben instantly got a smile on his face from ear to ear! He was happier than I’ve ever seen him. I told him my concerns: I didn’t know what to expect, what was going to happen with my emotions? To my body? Can I even do this? I am not a good pregnant woman. Some women are wonderful at it, they glow, they love every second of being pregnant. I am not one of those women. I absolutely hate being pregnant. I was always grateful to be pregnant but never enjoyed it. My pregnancy with my son was fairly uneventful, Ben was out to sea for most of it. We were stationed away from family, so I went through most of it by myself. Ben and I did get married on the beach by our house with just our parents there. It was beautiful. I was about 6 months pregnant. His parents were visiting from Minnesota and my parents drove down from New Hampshire, it was perfect.
Like I said, everything pregnancy wise was uneventful until the end. I was 35 weeks pregnant when I got diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. I started having to do non-stress tests twice a week. No big deal, I got to sit there and relax while eating ice chips— I loved it! At 37 weeks 4 days I started seeing flashing lights and had a migraine. I called my OBGYN and they told me to come in immediately. I went in thinking I’d be sent home and told to relax. I wasn’t, instead I was admitted to the hospital. I went into the hospital at 7:30pm on a Thursday night. They put cervical into my cervix to jump start labor and let me tell you, that stuff worked! I started contracting every 1 minute and it was painful! The next morning, I was still contracting but less often. Around 10:30 I got an epidural, I’m not proud and knew the entire time that I would be getting one. Immediately following the epidural, the nurse looked concerned. She stayed very calm and called on her radio, “We have an OB code blue.” I looked at her and asked what that was but never got an answer. She asked me to get up on all fours, as I was doing this my room filled with nurses and doctors and they started taking all the extra furniture out of the room. My husband got pushed into the corner to just helplessly watch. Apparently, my sons heart rate had dropped drastically. The doctor called for the OR to be prepped for a quick c-section and decided to break my water. So, there I was up on all fours with amniotic fluid gushing out of me, and my hemorrhoids on display for all 11 people in my room to see. If you were ever a bashful person, pregnancy will take that all away from you. All you can do is laugh about it The breaking of my water was all my little angel needed, his heart rate came right back up after that. I labored all day, watched Friends, ate a lot of ice chips, and just hung out. Around 7:00 that night (now it’s Friday) I was at 10 centimeters and ready to push! I pushed, and pushed, and pushed. I was doing such a great job pushing but this little man would not come out. Because he was early, he wasn’t turning enough so he was getting stuck on my pelvis. At 10:45pm the doctor told me she would give me 15 more minutes to push and then it’s off to the OR for a c-section. I pushed with all my might! A c-section was the very last thing I wanted. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t happening, at 11:30pm we went in for a c-section and my beautiful boy was born at 11:47pm, 37 weeks 5 days. Hearing him cry for the first time was the most amazing sound I had ever heard. Looking up at my husband and seeing him cry out of joy was the most amazing sight I’ve ever seen. They brought Jude over to me so I could kiss him but I had too many emotions going on: happiness, excitement, fear— because I was still sliced in half on the table. I told them to not put him next to me because I was going to throw up. They didn’t listen and I nearly threw up on my newborn son! But I’m going to laugh when he’s older and I tell him the first thing I did when I saw him was throw up, haha! Having a c-section was so hard on me mentally. I didn’t feel like a mother. I felt like less of a woman because I couldn’t do one of the things we were made to do, birth babies. I refused to look at my incision. I would take a shower and only look up. When I got dressed, I would mostly close my eyes. I just could not bring myself to look. When I was about 7 or 8 weeks postpartum, I accidentally caught a glimpse of my scar, I screamed and started crying harder than I have in a very long time. My husband came running into the bathroom (where I was) and hugged me. He knew in an instant when he heard my voice that I had seen it. Up until this point he had been very helpful in me not seeing my scar but now he was being incredibly supportive. He helped me to see that this is what made me a mom. This is how I brought my son and now also my daughter into the world. Now I see it as the most beautiful scar I could possibly have. That’s my birth story. I have another but I don’t think I’m quite ready to share it yet because it is still very fresh and I haven’t quite enjoyed it. The postpartum period has been filled with horrible postpartum anxiety and migraines. My hope is that this all goes away once this “fourth trimester” is over. But I thank God every single day for these amazing kids. It is a huge blessing to have a family, no matter how your children come into the world, whether it be vaginal, c-section, surrogate, or adoption, it’s truly the most amazing blessing.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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