Not Nice Spice
Sometimes we’re so busy busying ourselves, even with buzz words like self care, that we only address the surface of tasks or issues present in our lives. I loathe when mommy groups say, don’t forget about you. Trust me, I didn’t. I’m very aware that I end up at the bottom of the list because there is a cycle of things to take care of. The second you clean the bathroom or vacuum the floors you can’t actually check it off the list. No, in fact it stays there because with a husband and littles the moment you finish taking care of something it already needs to be repeated. Change one diaper, get another on the potty, have a cage fighting session when mommy needs to go. The usual. Feed your kids lunch, clean up, see someone found a way to hide morsels and smear them all over the living room furniture. No task is ever really finished. But society seems to think that having a hot shower for a few minutes alone is enough for self care. I’m sorry but my husband gets a hot shower every day. Like, every single day. As in it’s not self care it’s routine; a given. And I’m not mad about it. In fact, I realized after three years of non-stop SAHM cycles, I’m insanely jealous. How in the name of all that is holy has he established this?!
So, I crossed my name off the bottom of the list and moved me right up to the top. And boy, does the top feel invincible. You know what was at the top? A girls trip! I haven’t had time without my husband and kids in THREE years! And sadly, I’ve been so swept away with To Do Lists and self care that I didn’t realize I wasn’t getting anywhere with either. They were both shallow lists. The type of lists you give yourself when you adjust to having a new baby or your husband is away on a business trip, but it isn’t meant to be a lifestyle. It isn’t meant to drone on past a few weeks, maybe months at most. And yet, here I am three years deep. My husband is happily on board. He sees his wife, six months pregnant, about to be home with 3 kids 3 and under. He sees that I’ve gone grocery shopping alone twice in one thousand and ninety-five days. He sees that self care has become cleaning out my care so that I can find diapers and wipes when someone inevitably has a bit of an explosion en route to something we’re late for, yet again. He sees that in one thousand and ninety-five days he has never been alone over night with either one or both kids. He sees that 50% of the month is him traveling. And he really sees those colorful texts I send him. He sees that when he doesn’t take vacation time, I can’t take vacation time. I’m thankful that even though it’s taken me a good bit to figure all of this mommy business out, I have in fact figured out that I am worth more than a hot shower alone.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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