Not Nice Spice
There is almost nothing I wouldn’t do for my kids. If I were to be honest it’s namely to keep them from melting and broadcasting emotions all over the grocery store. I always buy Chickadee a Lara Bar, which is her absolute favorite (lucky me—healthy kiddo!) or I stock up on cheap art supplies and bubbles to pullout in times of desperation. Quite frankly, we purchased our first family car for our kids, so that we could blast the week with activities and snack crumbs; and we purchased our first home for our kids, so that they can run like warriors, busy themselves with shenanigans, and clothe in dirt. What I am not doing for my kids is buying them a pet. Yup, cold-hearted mother trucker. Not doing it. After becoming a mama, Stud laughs at how much of an animal activist I am. We drive by someone’s home and I comment on the temperature or that the pup is tangled in his leash; we drive by a dairy farm and I carry on about how those cows aren’t meant to pump milk endlessly; we see all the goats and bunnies being tormented my the masses of toddler poking at the open farm days. I thought it would be a fun memorable trip to the zoo, yet all I could think about was how small the enclosures were. I find it all incredibly depressing and want to run around freeing all of them.
So why not rescue one and give him a good home? Honestly, my favorite type of pet is a pet rock. I tried to kill a goldfish once, but not cleaning the bowl and not feeding it only made it stronger. While I know that Chickadee lights up at the sight of even a bug, I also know that a pet would come between Stud and I. Having to prioritize a pet would make me resentful and at the very least throw priorities off track. We firmly believe a household thrives best when you prioritize God, family <spouse then children>, & work. With a pet (the consensus is a pup, of course) the order becomes: God, dog, spouse, dog, children, dog, work, dog. It’s very natural to let life wrap you up in its busyness. Stud and I are only coming into our fifth year of marriage. We’ve moved three times, had two kids & two cars, and one new home. We’re still working through the glorious baggage of singlehood’s past and learning how to be true to ourselves amidst being a spouse & a parent. These alone are enough to be all consuming. So, even though, I would desperately love to make the little stinkers day by getting a pup, my marriage is more important than my children. When we got married we went through two rounds of premarital counseling. The first bit reveal some issues that could be potential landmines—the second bit allowed us to truly become vulnerable with each other. And we’re still not done! But that’s okay. Do we have some chaostrophic marriage? Not in the least! But making sure we are healthy and function in such a way to be an example of the types of spouses our children should look for and be themselves is important. Moreover, making sure that our children understand how to be loving, patient, kind, joyful, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled because it was modeled daily before them. I cannot be the best mama my kids need if my priorities are skewed. My children cannot become their best selves if they are not able to understand that what they want doesn’t always align with what they need in that moment. In this moment Stud and I are putting ourselves first— our marriage first. And I don’t see us regretting it any time soon.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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