Not Nice Spice
Is there anything more risky than having a favorite child?! Certainly a parenting faux pas, but I used to think that truly all parents had a favorite child. Now I know this is a sign of an immature parent. Parents who live on the surface level with their children. It’s easy as an exasperated, overworked, overtired parent to have a favorite—the one who is most compliant, quiet, obedient, cheerful. But in truth if we held ourselves to the same standards that we are inclined to hold our children to, wouldn’t we very quickly fall short of the favorite parent—road raging, grocery line grumbling, eye rolling, short fused, social media scrolling, leftover warming. Honestly, Stud and I were so worn down after we had Chickadee that we quickly shifted from a “full house” mentality to “one and done!” But it wasn’t quite right- we just couldn’t wrap our minds around more exhaustion, colic (o…m…g the crying), teething, daylight savings, or four-hour car rides taking SEVEN hours (how does that even happen?!?!). It was enough for us to really call it a day. But as Chickadee became more independent we saw that she absolutely loved the energy from being around others. It got us thinking that maybe we should give it another go. A few tries later and we were excited to be on our way with baby number two! There is always an adjustment when your family grows and we held our breath anticipating how Chickadee would respond to Little Dude. We prepped with extra toys and little surprises to make her feel special and not left out. We scheduled time for mommy or daddy dates so she could run wild at the playground. We were filled with anxiety and giving ourselves pep-talks before Little Dude even arrived. We wasted our time. We had no clue what was hidden within our feisty fearless little girl. After 21 months of stress and torture we were left utterly speechless—she was the most tenderhearted, sweet, motherly, caring, helpful big sister. We came home and when she saw us she had a tear in her eye, but stopped short of clobbering me with a bear hug. Instead her eye caught a little baby sleeping in his car seat. Her heart melted and so did ours. I didn’t know there was more unfolding. I believed a lie that children are difficult and exhausting and this is why parents make sideways comments about parenting. I am forever indebted to my son because he allowed me to see all the beauty, all the goodness, and all the light inside of my daughter. He showed us that everyone has “moments” but these do not define a person. I’m so thankful that I had my second because he allowed me to cherish my first. I am blessed to have two completely different children and one is not loved more than the other. They are both so equally brilliant, sweet, creative, humorous, moody, and tougher than a bed of nails. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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