Not Nice Spice
![]() As a teacher and child care worker I have never (literally never) had a behavioral problem with a student (from the tiniest to grown adults; special education to teens on the brink of juvenile detention) that I wasn't able to manage. So you can imagine my shock and surprise when the good Lord sent me my feisty little chickadee. I have never spanked before and I found myself thinking maybe she needs a good spanking before she'll learn. I'm happy to say that that is absolutely not the case. Do I think spanking is bad? More often than not it is simply not helpful for the issue at hand, which tends to be an underlying problem. We have our own version of the "time out" or "no fun" chair. We have the "take a breath" and "turn it around" chair. Does it work? Not exactly—HA! She’s two years old so there’s that fun element. But if she can learn to turn on the TV, use a variety of items to climb up to the counter and sneak a marker, and quietly try to eat all the toothpaste then she absolutely can learn to listen and gain self-control. My daughter loves a good argument; she thinks she's very persuasive (now where did she learn that?). So the first few times she screamed, stomped, got up and ran around, stood on the a chair or just dipped her toe on the floor to really push the limits. We did this for a month, give or take, before we noticed that we didn’t need it at all (did I mention my daughter is two?!). Is she still feisty? Absolutely! Does she understand there are boundaries and limits and a need to develop self-control? Definitely! When she’s really hot headed and screaming- “Do you need to sit by yourself and take a breath?” When she cannot control her hands because a certain Little Dude is tearing down every Lego tower in sight- “Time to turn it around or you will have to sit by yourself.” When she is hysterical and melting beyond belief, usually because she is overtired- “Do you need to sit on your bed? Do you want to sit on my lap?” Little by little she is able to regain control of her emotions and have a better understanding on how to handle the situation. Nothing like a teachable moment! She now knows if her baby brother is bothering her, she can move her toys to her bed (a big comfy queen size bed) or the dinning room table. She now knows that she can sit on her bed and punch a pillow or relax and read a book. She now knows that if she needs a hug to calm down and regroup she can have that, too. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is truly wisdom. Without discipline we are not able to gain self-control and better ourselves. As adults we would readily agree that these characteristics are beneficial and a sign of a mature productive participant of society. Why then do we not engage our children in age appropriate skill-sets, as well? My helpful resources:
1. Seth Dahl 2. Positive Parenting 3. Conscientious Parenting 4. Local Parents! Find a group or exchange ideas with parents in your community
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Kate FrancesWhen you don't know what else to do, then it's time to write. Then write a little while longer for good measure. Archives
February 2020
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